Wednesday, March 21, 2012

sometimes the waters are roaring.

sometimes the waters are roaring, foaming, but we are deaf to them - distracted by the beauty of the beach, the sand covering our babies, the sun warming us to our bones.  life is good, we are happy and it's all being kept together, isn't everyone?

then it hits, the wave, it nails us while our backs are to the ocean, exposed and so vulnerable, though we didn't realize it yet.  now we know our fragility and we will never be the same.

the seas roar and foam, the leviathan lives there, lurking; tragedy and sickness and accidents leave none of us unaffected, we all hold hands while the water rises quickly around us. 

chaos.  it's no respecter of anything, doesn't even matter if you just got your act together, doesn't even matter if you are still searching for wreckage from the last flash flood.  it's the reason why a lot of terrible things happen, and it's no reason at all.  it's the best reason to say the F word, if you're crying or praying.  Have you been there in it's aftermath?

maybe it's the earth shuddering from all the pain we cause her and each other, trying to shake us off.  maybe it's gravity just doing her thing and small decisions we make sometimes go unseen and sometimes won't ever be forgotten.  sometimes there's just not even any explanation that we could utter and any attempt to make sense of it is simply us trying to survive, but it doesn't help.  sometimes we blame God with spiritual language, but what we really mean is, 'i care about you.  i am so sorry.  and i don't understand.'